Wednesday, January 02, 2008

I Handle Uncertainty With a Certain Aplomb. Not Really.

It was the day I was to hear from Dean regarding my proposition. He was to consult with his therapist and give me an answer. And then I might have a boyfriend! Alternatively, I might spend the next few weeks convinced that I was a love pariah, in the words of my favorite diarist.

I felt kind of queasy, though perhaps it was all the Swedish fish I'd had for breakfast. I keep my email account open on my desktop at work, so every time a new message hits my inbox there’s a ping! As soon as I heard the sound I would click on the window, only to find annoucements from The Body Shop or a newsletter from my college.

When did Dean see his shrink, anyway? The later it got, the worse my odds, I figured. If he wasn't interested, he might put off writing to me, whereas if the answer was yes, he had no reason to wait. I thought the earliest I might hear from was about 12:00 noon.

Noon came and went. At two o'clock I had decided if he hadn't contacted me by 5:00, the answer was no.

Time passed. I read other people's blogs. I read The New York Times. For variety, I did a little work. Just before 3:30, my computer pinged.

He had emailed me. The subject line was Very Well, Young Lady!

I thought, !!!

I opened the email: Yes, Dean had written, he thought it would be a good idea if we were to see one another exclusively. I read the words again. I guess his shrink had approved. I pictured Dean's shrink, seeing him with a beard and a strong resemblance to Sean Connery. I really, really liked his shrink, I decided.

I was happy, but also incredibly relieved I wouldn't have to spend the next few days valiantly trying not to be upset.

So I wrote back to say that I was really pleased.

Then I emailed Jefferson to give him the news.