Coincidence? I Think Not.

This other thing happened that I just want to mention.

A few weeks ago I Hotlisted this guy on the Nerve personals. Hotlist is an option where you make a note of someone you like. The people you note can see who Hotlisted them -- it’s a totally non-committal way to express interest. I use it all the time, so as to not have to make an effort. Passive aggressive, and yet it works!

Anyway, this guy, Tom, emailed me after I’d hotlisted him. We had arranged to get a drink last Thursday, but he cancelled on me a few days prior. He said he was swamped with work but thought he’d be available the following week. I said no problem. Then on Saturday afternoon I got an email from him: he’s met someone new and can’t meet me after all.

Of course I don’t begrudge him a new romance, but I am suspicious. I’ve found that if a man postpones a date, he’s pretty likely to cancel altogether. I suspect it’s more likely that Tom either changed his mind or simply never meant to meet me. That’s a nasty accusation, but after my experience(s) with Pete, as well as one or two other men who showed interest and then flagged, I’m beginning to think that maybe more men than you would think are more interested in getting a a girl to agree to meet than in actually meeting her for a drink. This has happened to me three or four times. This makes me sound bitter, but really, it’s what I’m thinking.

Craig's List, the Sequel

Last night I succumbed to the temptation and spent hours reading through the Casual Encounters and Men Seeking Women posts.

Honestly, there’s not that much difference between the two. Theoretically, Men Seeking Women is for those who want a relationship, ("No thick women!") while casual encounters is raunchier, and suitable for detailing your masturbatory fantasies to the slack-jawed surfers who read them (me). Only, in Men Seeking Women I see an awful lot of lengthy posts along the lines of “then I will slowly open your ….. and you will moan … luscious…” etc. One guy – he reposts the same ad all the time! – has this really florid language: “Now I will commence the spanking proper.” It never ceases to make me snicker. Of course, casual encounters has all the St8 men who want to give blowjobs to other men. And of course, frisky couples … they sound like cats.

Anyway, Craig’s List sucked my evening away, and before I knew it I had answered several ads. Most were, ahem-- In the casual encounters section. In one or two I enclosed my photo. I thought I’d get answers. Did I hell!

One response, and a very brief (and thus barely flirtatious) one at that. Afterwards, I’m always so ashamed that the person didn’t respond, like, the guy was out of my league or something. Like I’m too ugly for him. That doesn’t make a lot of sense, I know.

Back in the Saddle

On Saturday I posted an ad on Craig's List, and got about 70 or so responses. Which is always gratifying, until you respond with a photo and never hear from the guy again. I don't care how hard it is for men -- I've been dissed dozens of times. Dating is hard on the ego. Stupid hard, especially if you've got any outstanding self-esteem issues. Like me, and, I assume, almost everyone else in the world.

And I answered an ad or two. One was from a guy looking for someone "Jewy but agnostic," which I figure about sums me up. Also, that's fantastic terminology. He actually seems very nice and --gasp-- not bad looking. Then I, uh, answered an ad for someone who was looking for someone submissive. That's me (I think).

That's a new development for me. Back in April, when I was seeing (for the lack of a better term) Eddie, he said, "You're submissive, aren't you?" when we were fooling around.

"I guess so," I said, breathlessly. It had never occurred to me before.

We didn't get far with that scenario since Eddie disappeared (and still has my tape recorder, that jerk!) but I've been thinking about it a good deal. Do my sexual tendencies compromise my feminist principles? Gah. It's complicated, being a sex positive feminist. Especially if you're not having much sex. Must work on that.

Oh, and get this

I just want to rant a bit because ... well, because.

I go on lots of dates with men I meet online. I think it suggests something not too flattering about me, but nonetheless. I started online dating back in 2000 or so. Only very occasionally do I actually meet men at work or a party. Earlier this year it occurred to me that my social circle was no longer expanding. Like, it's reached this sort of critical point where I've already met everyone I'm going to meet. It was a weird feeling. Lots of my friends are in steady relationships, or married, or married with children.

Anyway. So! Let's see. I'm on the nerve personals --- fast cupid, you know? This one guy emailed me months ago. He sounded nice and not hideous looking, so we emailed back and forth. I am excellent via email -- witty, charming, etc. I'd date me. Anyway, there was a hiatus in our emails due to some technical difficulties with his computer (he said) and when he wrote to me again about a month later, I'd forgotten about him. Anyway, we went back to emailing. My protocol is I generally wait a day or two to respond, and I don't ramble or complain. (though obviously the opposite applies on this blog).

So a few weeks back he wrote to say that since I didn't sound psychotic, he'd give me his phone number and maybe we could arrange a time to meet. I thought the psychotic crack was a bit presumptive, especially as I take antidepressants ... I didn't say that, however. I wrote back to say that while meds had rendered me pretty normal (with a joking emoticon), I wouldn't call him because I really hate talking on the phone to guys I haven't met. I mean, the potential for awkwardness is so high. I hate those dread silences, when you're both desperately trying to think of things to say, and you can't even make eye contact and smile or order another drink. I really do avoid calling people I don't know, not just in romantic situations. Anyway, I added that I'd love to get together with him, but could we arrange it via email.

I never heard from him again.

Then I was also corresponding with a guy from Craig's List, which is like the heroin of the online community. Craig's List is for the hardcore. He asked me if I wanted to hear a band on Wed. night. I said, What time? I generally go to bed early, or something along those lines. Because, you know, I do go to bed early on weeknights, otherwise I have a hard time getting up in the morning. He wrote back to say about ten, and why, did I have a curfew? So I responded, saying that although I knew it was lame and nerdy, a 10pm show was too late for me. After all, I live in Queens. Say they actually start on time, and only play for a half hour. Still, if they're playing downtown, it'll probably take me the good part of an hour to get home. So I said I'd like to meet up for a drink, earlier, however.

I never heard from him again.

There was also this other guy, also courtesy of Craig's List. We emailed a bit, and then he just disappeared.

That's three men in one week who dissed me! Jesus, I'm like the bubonic plague.