I Learn to Share

It was supposed to be me, Jefferson and Jacob. But the evening before, I’d gone to dinner with Wendy, and when she said she hoped to see Jefferson the following evening I saw how this was possible.

Of course, this meant I’d have to share. So I supposed this would be a good opportunity for me to develop loving kindness, a Zen lack of jealousy, all the spiritually evolved qualities that ethical sluts (which I hope I am) should cultivate, along with a sense of humor and good upper body strength.

So on Friday night I turned up at Jefferson’s place and was taken aback to see not just Wendy but Ruby. Had Jefferson added to our party, as well?

“Ruby’s on her way out,” Jefferson explained. He has a good feel for social nuances. Ruby sloped on the sofa, bleary eyed, smiling. Christ, Jefferson had a really packed schedule.

“Is Jacob coming?” I was worried. Though we’d emailed a few times, I hadn’t heard from him in a while and wondered if I would be seeing him tonight after all.

“Why?” Jefferson paused, a bottle of wine in his hand. “Did he tell you he wasn’t?”

“No… I just…”

But it turned out my suspicions were unfounded: Jacob arrived shortly after Ruby left. The four of us sat on the sofa, slumped together by gravity and curiosity. Jacob seemed pretty low. He admitted he’d been holed up in his apartment, avoiding contact with the human race. Then he downed a Vicodin. This didn’t seem like a great omen, but I smiled at him hopefully and we trooped off to the bedroom.

We all got undressed as if we were getting ready for free swim at summer camp. No one kissed or touched. There was no eroticism, just an athletic energy.

Jacob was an unknown quantity to me sexually – we’d kissed a bit at the April orgy, and that was all. Naked, his boy’s body was decorated with tattoos: a revolver tilted across his chest, illustrations bloomed on his forearms. Jacob has shaggy hair in a modified hipster mullet, and, before he’d stripped, had been wearing jeans clipped with a silver chain. Around his neck he wore a long chain with a Star of David. It looked so ’70’s. I liked it, how unfashionable it was, contrasting with his shaggy hair and decorated arms. It was like saying, “I’m a nice Jewish boy,” – (and a suburban one) even though the evidence suggested otherwise.

Jacob wore cute underwear, rather like the Underoos of my childhood. I removed his skivvies, and when he was naked I went down on him – perhaps that is my version of “Nice to meet you,”? Meanwhile, next to us on Jefferson’s bed Wendy and Jefferson fucked. Wendy is very loud in bed. I talk during sex, but Wendy’s voice rises and she cries.

Jacob pushed me onto my back, but I wanted a little more anticipation before we fucked. So we fooled around a bit more before I let him put a condom on and slip inside me.

That was it, he slipped inside me. Next to me, Wendy was moaning as Jefferson fucked her. I looked at Jacob, at his puckered little boy’s face, and felt nothing.

I mean, Jacob is sexy and adorable. He has a lovely dick – good sized, and willing. But in me there was no surge, no sweat, no urgency. Maybe I needed more foreplay, or narrative. But right now it felt like exercise rather than sex. I wanted to feel it.

So I gestured to Jacob and then I swung over so that I could ride him. This was better. I felt it more, but still. Eventually, Jacob pulled out – he blamed the Vicodin, and no doubt he was right.

I went to the bathroom and when I came back Wendy’s mouth was wrapped around Jacob’s dick. She knelt over him as he lay flat on his back, with Jefferson sprawled on the bed beside him. I slid next to Jefferson, our arms touching. Absently I stroked Jefferson’s soft arms.

Then Jefferson straddled Jacob. Funny, the way Jefferson sat on Jacob’s face reminded me of a girl – sort of hippy and proud. Then he slid off and started to massage Jacob’s ass. Jacob writhed happily, like a kitten. I watched.

“I’m going to fuck your ass,” Jefferson promised, smiling down at Jacob.

But Jacob wasn’t that far gone: “No, not tonight,” he murmured. Aha! Just like me.

Then Jefferson slouched onto his back and Jacob slipped between his legs. He was so engaged, it was really awesome to watch. He took Jefferson’s cock in his mouth so deeply – his nose started to run and he kept sniffling and gagging, but not once did he pause. It was as if he couldn’t stop himself, and also as though this was his job, to slurp Jefferson’s cock, and he was a hard, conscientious worker. Oh, God. I slid down to the edge of the bed, where Jacob lay on his stomach with his face buried around Jefferson’s dick. I suddenly felt the need to suck Jacob off, and maneuvered myself beneath him, where I tentatively licked his cock, and then his balls. As I continued, my mouth became more eager, and I grew frustrated that he was at an angle that was so difficult for me to reach. I wanted to devour his dick, to place my mouth squarely at his cock and suck him right inside me.

Eventually Jacob slid around so I could have at him. Then Wendy wanted in, so we traded Jacob’s dick back and forth between us for a bit, and then we licked him together, one tongue on each side of Jacob’s shaft. Then I had a terrible thought: what if Jacob preferred Wendy’s cocksucking to mine? This is the kind of thought that can wreak havoc with your fucking.

And again, this was the perfect time for my two-on-one fantasy. I got Jacob to myself for a bit and motioned for Jefferson to fuck me from behind. He obliged.

I was on my knees, arching my back and thrusting my ass at Jefferson so that he could fuck me properly. I was really wet. But we didn’t get very far. That’s one of the problems with more than two people – there’s always more to do, and maybe people feel like they’re missing out if they don’t move quickly through a variety of positions? Jefferson pulled out and Wendy indicated that it was time for Jacob to fuck her. Jefferson spun me over and slipped my legs around his neck, and started to fuck me once more. But I was distracted, keeping an eye on Wendy and Jacob. Wendy was moaning. Then she groaned: “I want you to fuck my ass.”

“OK,” said Jacob amiably.

I gulped, and looked up at Jefferson, who was lazily pumping away against my cunt. “I want to watch,” I whispered to him.

Jefferson smiled: “I thought you might,” he said. He pulled out, and I slipped off the bed and slunk next to Jacob, who was standing behind Wendy.

She was laying face down on Jefferson’s mattress, her white ass reaching towards Jacob’s dick. I watched as slowly he pushed his cock deep between her cheeks, where I couldn’t see.

“Harder,” said Wendy. Her voice was a whine: “Harder.”

We watched as Jacob pumped her. “Jefferson,” Wendy said from her position on her stomach, “Can you get me your bullet vibrator?”

Jefferson reached over and pulled some equipment out of his drawer. Silently, he handed it to Wendy, who slid it underneath her. She started to moan again, and while Jacob thrust away.

Then Wendy started to yell, and she came with a series of cries, like she was upset rather than just well and truly fucked.

**

Afterwards, I sat on Jefferson’s lap in his armchair while Wendy and Jacob lounged on the bed. Both of them, I realized, sounded remarkably similar, with their cute Long Island voices. But shortly afterwards, Jacob insisted he had to leave, so we all escorted him to the door with kisses.

Back in Jefferson’s bedroom Wendy sprawled across the mattress and shut her eyes. It was then I realized my folly: the three of us could not sleep comfortably in Jefferson’s bed. Particularly not me, since I toss and turn. Wendy looked about ready to crash. I sighed: “I’ll go sleep in the other room.”

“Are you sure?” Jefferson asked politely.

I nodded, bid them goodnight and trundled to the back room, feeling like the third wheel, albeit one who would sleep undisturbed. Sober and childlike, I put myself to bed in Lillie’s single metal frame bed, and read a Penguin Classic until I fell asleep.