Sunday, February 10, 2008

My Year in Review

As Lou Reed once noted, “Sorry it took awhile.”

2007 Round Up: The Year in Living Somewhat Dangerously

Most “Holy Smokes, I Can't Believe this is Happening!” Moment:
My First Orgy. Well, duh. Was it the writhing crowd on the bed? Jed’s dick? Jefferson’s unflappability? The cookies Callie baked on the living room table? At any rate, just attending made me feel cool and subversive. Hooking up with Mmmark and then Jed, both of whom are so cute and nice, was likewise thrilling.

Things About Jefferson that Made Me Laugh: The sight of him, naked, in lace up black leather boots with a pink ribbon around his balls; his “Daddy Likes” t-shirt; and that when I, worried that a mutual acquaintance had slept with almost 100 people, making him, in my opinion, sorta out of my league, Jefferson said, “Yes, but when you hit 100, the odometer goes back to zero.”

Dumbest Thing I Did (a tie):
Stalked Jeremy/Revealed my secret identity as Sex Blogger Girl to Dean on our first date.

Most Ridiculous Conversation:
Me:
How's Mmmark?

Jefferson: I don't know. And I should. After all, I publish the fanzine.

Me: The fanzine! What a great idea.

(I am picturing something akin to J-17, with headlines like, “Mmmark: What He Thinks About Global Warming!” and “Mmmark's Tips for Getting Along with Your Parents.”)

Me: It could be full of Mmmark news and tips! Like, “Boys and girls, don’t be afraid to approach Mmmark at an orgy! He’s really nice!”

Jefferson: Or, “How's Mmmark? Still Hot!” And, “What's Mmmark's favorite color? Still purple!”

Me: (chanting): “What's Mmmark's favorite food? I have no idea!”

Biggest Firsts for Me:
My First orgy!
My First Anal! (thanks, Jed)
My First Threesome!
My Second Threesome (etc.)!
My First Foursome!
My First Girl!
My First (and Second) Fisting! (Jed again).
It was a busy year.

Sex Aid I am Most Grateful For:
BabeLube.

Most Surprisingly Satisfying Casual Sex:
Paul. I was sorta dreading seeing him, but we were well-matched. Sadly, he went AWOL in November.

Most Surprisingly Unsatisfying Casual Sex:
Alejandro. The most noticeable thing about it was how unmoved I was.

Nicest Surprise: That I'm still friends with
Sweetheart Daniel. Oh, and the poem Jim wrote me.

Most Terrifying Moment:
Realizing I was about to seduce a virgin (Jim).

Worst Part of Living Somewhat Dangerously:
Brooding/crying over Jeremy.

Second Worst Part: Wondering if the
Evan (Mr. Cult) affair was indicative of a total lack of judgment/normalcy on my part.

Best Part of Living Somewhat Dangerously: Having a secret when you’re bored on the subway feels good. I also met so many great people and got nice emails from readers. Thank you.


Things I Like About Dean: His terrible puns, his kindness and the funny Pillsbury Doughboy squeak he makes when I poke him in the ribs. Also he's really smart and tall and cute and likes to stroke my hair and hold my hand and takes me out for nice meals.

Worst First Date:
Mr. Knucklehead. What a jerk.

Best First Date: Dean. He still has a scar by his eyebrow from when
we fell off the stoop.

Sluttiest Episode: Ahem.
I went for a drink with Jefferson, and ended up having sex with him, Anna Smash and Anna Smash’s hot boyfriend, Nick. The following night Jim came over and I fucked him, too.

Sexiest Sex: Riding Dean (sans condom!) while Sam Cooke sang “Bring it on Home to Me.” Usually I can't listen to music while I'm fucking as I find it distracting, but I came really fast and really hard – I mean, it was Sam Cooke. Then I sucked Dean off and he came in my mouth really fast and really hard. So that was nice.

Runner Up:
Jed muttering dirty things to me.

Who I Had Sex With:

Sweetheart Daniel (sex partner #10)
Jefferson (sex partner
#12)
Jeremy (sex partner #13)
Mmmark (sex partner #14)
Evan (sex partner
#15)
Jim (sex partner #16)
Jed (sex partner #17)
Will (sex partner #18)
Jacob (sex partner #19)
Alex (sex partner
#20)
Dean (sex partner
#21)
Jessica (sex partner #22)*
Anna Smash (sex partner #23)*
Nick (sex partner #24)
Alejandro (sex partner #8)
Paul (sex partner
#25)

*Oral sex only. As I've mentioned, like Clinton, I think this doesn't really count.

Who I Hooked Up With:
1.
Simon.
2. The Other Jake. According to Jefferson his dick is “like a jackhammer, and it's total porn star sex.” Which I did not get to experience. Though I guess that was just oral sex, too.
4. My Friend Jake.
5. Jessica's adorable boyfriend Sean.
6. Thomas (we just kissed, alas).

Other Notable Facts about 2007:
I got a full editorial job. And some freelance assignments! Hallelujah.
I became an aunt for the second time.
I started revising my novel.

I would like to continue this blog, but frankly I think it's a bad idea to write about Dean since he could, if he chose, read everything I post. It gives him an access to me that is both more and less than honest, and I'm not comfortable with the idea. I think whatever I want him to know I should tell him.

Besides, this is supposed to be a sex blog, and the more I have sex with someone, the less I have to say about it. I think it's because when I'm fucking someone I don't know well, the whole experience is exotic and frequently hilarious. But when I'm having sex with someone on a regular basis, I'm less observant because I'm not thinking about the sex as a blog entry. There's more room for emotion. What I mean is this:

“I too, if I may mention myself, have always known that my destiny was, above all, a literary destiny—that bad things and some good things would happen to me, but that, in the long run, all of it would be converted into words. Particularly the bad things, since happiness does not need to be transformed: happiness is its own end.”

Jorge Luis Borges wrote that, and the last part, in particular, has always applied to me. That is, I tend to write more when I'm unhappy. Right now I'm enjoying myself a lot. I am superstitious and suspect that by writing about my life, I will ruin it. If things start to go pear-shaped, I will certainly record it.

On the other hand, I started my year of living (and writing) somewhat dangerously in March of 2006. Which means I have several months' worth of unpublished adventures sitting on my hard drive. Stay tuned.

3 comments:

waveman said...

Welcome back, baby. We've missed you.

Callie said...

“like a jackhammer, and it's total porn star sex.”

Oh my yes... *swoon* One year and I'm still loving it. And I'm thrilled you liked the cookies. We should get together for drinks some night...

greenlacewing said...

Sorry to hear there will be nothing new. (I know how that is.)

Hope you do put up the stuff that's on the hard drive.