I didn't get around to mentioning this before. When I posted an ad on Craig's List on Tuesday evening, I immediately got a reply from Pete. Pete and I had an email flirtation back in April. We eventually set up a time to get nice and drunk, with the implicit promise that, should we get on well enough, and if I was drunk enough, we would go to bed together. Shortly after this he first postponed our date and then disappeared entirely. I found it pretty upsetting, cause we hit it off -- he could quote Father Ted and was dry and mildly self-deprecating. Exactly my type. I knew I didn't do anything wrong, so why did he change his mind? My mind worried at the rejection. Of course, there was no real reason, except he wasn't interested in me.
He'd cancelled our date, claiming to be sick, and didn't respond to my very brief email a few days later. So eventually I wrote him a short and, yes, polite and friendly note, indicating that it would be both appreciated and appropriate for him to explain why he'd changed his mind. I actually composed it on my phone at the joint birthday party Marc and I shared in April, and showed it to my friend J. He read it, laughed, and said it was absolutely correct and reasonable. Bless J. But thank God we were below ground and my cell reception was bad: drinking and texting do not mix!
SIDEBAR: Appropriate! That's my favorite term. That's what I aspire to: appropriateness. If you can't do the right thing, do the appropriate thing. SIDEBAR ENDS.
So in this rigorously pleasant and non-chastizing email I even offered him some reasons he could supply for his sudden lack of interest, such as: "I no longer fancy nerdy girls/I have met the love of my life/I am moving to Alaska." It was meant to be a not too serious kind of ending, so I could write him off without feeling bereft and rejected. He never responded, which was the worst part of all. The whole incident bothered me for some time.
Anyway, when I got his email on Tuesday night I was all of a dither. He used an email address I hadn't seen before. So late Wednesday night I emailed him back with a photo (not one he'd seen before) from the email address that shows me as Lily, my nom de guerre. I figured that if he recognized me, he wouldn't respond and if he did ... I could always pretend I hadn't recognized his photo. Then, later that evening, there was another email from him: he's certainly persistent. And so last night we spent about an hour on IM, a pastime that I actually hate. It feels really awkward. I hate innuendo online, I don't like revealing my sexual preferences via email (though apparently I don't mind being an exhibitionist in this blog. Hypocrite. Sigh.) and suggesting that I will do x, y, and z in bed. I think euphemisms are dirty, somehow, dirtier than any of the activities or orifices they refer to, because they're coy and sly. The phrase "something for the weekend" makes me feel the same way.
The thing is, I cheated.
I realized this while I was trying to fall asleep last night.
See, at one point last night he asked me for another photo. I then sent him one I knew he hadn't seen (it's not very flattering, I don't send it out). He wrote back, "Is that all the pics you have?" after commenting that I looked "compliment, compliment ... fuckable." That was the tenor of our conversation. Being called fuckable is of course flattering, but generally I don't encourage that level of risque-ness prior to actually meeting someone. I think he was trying to sound more nonchalant and aggressive than he actually is. At least, I'm hoping that's the case. He made another comment about having an orgy with me and my roommates (poor Anna. she would be horrified!) I do think it's in poor taste to show an interest in your current possible sex partner's roommates before you've bedded and properly complimented her. You know? I dismissed it as him trying to appear dominant, as per my post. But maybe, in fact, he is an insensitive alpha male jerk. (But how could that be? He completed my Morrissey quote just last night.) I could live with alpha male qualities, I mean, I'm not looking for a relationship. Only I don't find them attractive. I might not want to sleep with him if he really is this crude and borderline obnoxious outside of the bedroom.
I said that yes, those were all the pictures I had, but afterwards I realized I wasn't really playing fair. He asked for all photos: maybe he did recognize me and wanted confirmation. So he could disappear again, probably. But that's his right, I suppose. So I just sent him my photo, one he's seen before. I can't help but think he must know it's me. Assuming that he remembers me. Which I do. If he didn't before, how could our lengthy IMing not at least jog his memory? Even if he does do this all the time, which I'm beginning to suspect is the case.
Unless. See, he told me he lives with his brother. Maybe now I'm corresponding with the brother (assuming they're identical twins) whereas before I was just writing to him! Does that sound reasonable? No, it does not.
It's moot anyway because I am fairly sure he's going to cancel on me. First he suggested we get together tonight, but I said it would have to be later, since I'm meeting John for a drink at 6. After the nerve-wracking innuendo-y convo with Pete, meeting John should be comparably relaxing. Then he said Saturday. So we've got plans for Saturday. But the chances of a replay of last spring are, I should think, quite high, considering how closely he's stuck to the script so far, what with the persistent and flirty emails, the avowed attraction and declared intent to fuck me. So his imminent cancellation -- or his simple refusal to respond to my most recent email, which contained the incriminating pic -- would make this whole fiasco my own damn fault. You know, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice..." I should have told him I knew who he was right away. But I was so excited by the thought of meeting him. I thought it might be fate or something. But all right. So now I know. Stay tuned.