Gulp

Oh God. I just emailed Alejandro and asked if he wanted to get together. I think I made it clear that by "get together" I meant "have casual sex", but who knows? I just checked my datebook. According to that, we met twice in April, but I'm pretty sure it was at least three times. God almighty. Now I'm really embarrassed. Imagine propositioning a man who is unlikely to recall who I am .... the mind boggles, and the ego collapses.

I can only hope that if he's not interested, he doesn't write me back a kind and polite note. I hope he just ignores the email. But really, I hope he gets right back to me to say, "Great! When?" What are the chances of that happening? I'm thinking pretty small. Oh, God. But again, nothing to lose right? My dignity is long gone, anyway. But each time I think that rejection can't really hurt, I discover deeper reserves of amour propre, or rather, adolescent shame. Fuck, I just want to have sex. Actually, I just want to get laid, but I have always thought this to be a vulgar locution. Nonetheless, in this case it's probably the more accurate term.