On Friday night I had my date with John. He’s in his forties but looks to be about my age. Nice, not very tall, shaved head, athletic build. And gay.
Well, probably not. But as soon as we met I thought: “Hey! This guy’s gay!” He was a bit effeminate. So, not for me. We met at a bar on 9th Avenue – the sign was barely visible and I walked past it before I realized that it was the place. It was a kind of chic, darkly-lit place, and I had a few Tom Collinses and we talked. Nice and all, but nothing doing.
After two drinks we walked to the 8th Avenue subway stop and, at a distance of about two feet, John announced, “Well, I think I’m going to head off now…” and we parted with mutual expressions of goodwill, and no touching whatsoever.
I haven’t heard from Jim since Thursday morning. I guess my worries were for naught, then.
Oh! And Alejandro! Well, get this: On Saturday morning I saw an email from him in my inbox. I opened it to discover that Alejandro was canceling on me because he wants to “make love on a spiritual level,” and so, he explained, having sex with me would be wrong. (I’m sorry, I’m giggling as I type this). Alejandro really is a nice person, and I wrote back to say no problem, good luck, etc., but he's so earnest! Part of me was like, “Hey, wait, I want to make love on a spiritual level too! I’m not shallow!” But of course, I don’t want to MLoaSL with Alejandro. And, in fact, I am shallow, so he’s got a point. But Alejandro is so cute and sincere, I’m sure he’ll find someone who doesn’t mind the fact that he wants to MLoaSL, and has no time for the regular kind of sex that takes place on a physical plane, let alone fucking. Ah, well.
And I’ve got lots of stuff to relate about Pete. Namely, that I think he actually is an alpha male jerk. On Saturday he did, indeed cancel on me, but promised that "we'd be fucking by midweek." I ignored the assumption that I would still want to fuck him after meeting him, and instead asked if he was sure he wanted to. Yes, he said. So I ping-ponged: "The thing is, you're awfully familiar. I seem to recall flirting with you back in April ...." After I revealed myself to him as the girl he'd flirted with and then dropped (NOT admitting that I’d known who he was all along), he apologized, and now we’re supposed to meet for drinks on Wednesday. And, strangest of all, he is a twin, as I speculated last week! And they are fraternal but look identical. So my theory could have been correct, after all. Though it’s probably not.
Pete's excuse for going AWOL last spring: he was in an on/off relationship, and that week it was on again. Not a very good excuse. But what was there to say? If I didn't like it, I could sign off and not IM him again. But I didn't. Now that we’ve been emailing again, I find him much less appealing than I did during the spring, Which just goes to show you: be careful what you wish for. I find all his explicit chat about fucking and blow jobs a little uncomfortable online -- isn't there a happy medium between making love on a spiritual level and being hammered over the head with a crudity that seems calculated to make the recipient uncomfortable? Or if not actually calculated, then at least stated knowing full well that the person you're talking to might feel uneasy with explicit language/intentions? When we IMed on Saturday night Pete was really pushing the dominance factor (e.g. he wrote, “I expect you to wear what I want you to wear,” etc. and “If I got you drunk I might have to fuck your ass,” to which I said, “In that case I’ll stay sober.” This was after I had said I wasn’t interested in anal sex. That's not quite true: I might be interested in it, but not with him.) Pete said later in the session that when he saw I wasn’t comfortable with strong dominance, he backed off, but still. I’m beginning to think I’m not submissive after all! When Pete said "If I wanted you to wear something, I would expect you to do it..." I was not exactly intimidated but really turned off. I think I made it clear that I really wouldn't be attracted to someone with such a dominant personality outside of the bedroom, but it made me feel off balance, and not exactly anticipating our date.
And thus far not once has Pete said a word about pleasing me. I mean, as I’ve said to him, I’m all into pleasing (I am!), which he says turns him on, but frankly I like a little reciprocity. This was revealed in spades last night when he said “I don’t do oral.” My instinctive response was “?!” and, "Now you tell me?!" but instead I wrote, “Why not?” in what I hope was a reasonable and calm manner. His response: “Just uncomfortable. Don’t like the taste. Don’t find it sexy. …. Deal-breaker?”
I was astounded, though perhaps not actually surprised. I thought it was sort of in keeping with his stance as this kind of “it’s all about me” sexual personality. On the other hand, I have never actually heard a guy say he didn’t like the taste before. Maybe not the taste of a particular woman, but not the taste of women in general. Does that mean he's a misogynist, or just a picky eater?
SIDEBAR Oh, God: once, in high school, one of my classmates complained that the girl he was sleeping with tasted of “hot mushrooms.” Christ. Though I suppose that’s better than tasting fishy. SIDEBAR ENDS.
I don't know if I'd want to go down on a woman myself, but then, I'm attracted to men. The idea that a man finds my taste revolting is somewhat inhibiting. There's something very relaxing and sexy about a guy who finds you so wonderful and erotic that he's got to stick his tongue inside you, you know? Eddie, for example, was rhapsodic: "You taste fantastic," etc. He actively enjoyed it, or at least he was eager to give that impression. That can only add to one's confidence in bed, even if, like me, you rarely actually get off from oral sex.
SIDEBAR I just read an email the guy I work for sent to a friend of his (he forwarded it to me so I could get the guy's address). And, ha! my boss broke up with his girlfriend and is, according to his email, "almost ready to start dating again" OK. That is probably the biggest breach of privacy I have committed in my entire career. Good thing I didn't reveal that his name is Ken Smith and he works for Dor--oops. (Obviously his name is not Ken Smith). But Ken Smith, as of course he is now known, is sort of cute for an older guy who's not a SRLI or an artist. He's a big guy, tall and broad, but not fat or bad looking. SIDEBAR ENDS
So now I really do have mixed feelings about Pete -- not sure I find his personality very attractive at this point, even though he knows tons about British comedy, which I feel usually indicates an appealing, self-deprecating demeanor. I really liked him better last spring! I think that if I do find him attractive, sex will be a one off. I find him rude, and I don't know quite how to express that to him without being really offensive myself. I also find him a bit intimidating, and he knows that. I think he likes the idea, which makes me defensive and irritable -- NOT the way I want to be with a sex partner.